So This is Goodbye?
by Number VIII - Axel
Summary: Roxas' reflections before he decides to leave. Takes place before KHII begins. May contain spoilers if you have not played the game yet. AxelRoxas.


So This is Goodbye

One-shot

Just Roxas having some reflections before he decides to leave the Organization.

Lyrics from Danny Elfman's score for The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Warnings: Angst, hints to Axel/Roxas. Also contains some things that I've come to my own conclusions about within the KH-verse. Obviously, I'm not Nomura-sensei so I don't pretend to think they're facts by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm not making any profit from this.

* * *

It was another calm night; the seemingly perpetual summer dusk tinted the sky. Roxas was staring out his window after a particularly satisfying little romp with Axel. The redhead lay naked a few feet from him, snoring softly, arms around the pillow. Roxas smiled faintly at the sight, shifting his gaze upwards to the heart-shaped moon. Something was keeping him up and he simply couldn't shake it. 

_We're not supposed to have feelings. So why do I… feel…? I feel sadness, loneliness… There are so many things I feel that I'm not supposed to. Am I the only one? _

Roxas' thoughts flooded him, consuming him like flames. Somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a blank spot—something that he desperately wanted to unlock but simply could not. It was like remembering an important event with your best friend's face blocked out. He could almost make it out, but it was still shrouded in darkness.

It felt as though he merely needed to shine a light to see it in full view, but this light was just out of his reach.

He thought of the time he fought that boy—the one with the blindfold. That boy had asked him, "Why do you have the keyblade?" What did that mean? He was the keyblade's chosen one, wasn't he? So what was the boy harping on about, anyway? Roxas sighed, not like it mattered. He'd beaten that kid—probably to the point of humiliation. Something itched in the back of his mind… making him think that perhaps there was some strange reason that he should _not_ wield the keyblade.

But that was absurd—as if trying to say that Axel didn't deserve his chakram or Demyx his sitar. Roxas' weapon was the keyblade, plain and simple.

But…why…? Why did it choose _him_?

He remembered a song—a hauntingly familiar melody from a memory locked deep inside his mind. He could hear the fragmented lyrics if he concentrated, closing his eyes.

…_Something here I'm not quite getting, though I try I keep forgetting—like a memory long since past… Here in an instant, gone in a flash—what does it mean? What does it mean! _

Roxas didn't even know where this song came from—it was as though another side of his memory knew the lyrics—knew **something** that it was trying desperately to tell him but for some reason or another he just couldn't get to it. It was like there was a wall preventing him from seeing the other side.

…_Simple objects, nothing more, but something's hidden through a door—though I do not have the key… Something's here I cannot see—what does it mean? What does it mean! _

More strands of the song drifted into his subconscious. He leaned against the window sill, opening cold blue eyes to survey the deep purple sky. A soft sigh escaped his lips. Axel always told him he thought too much. Maybe the redheaded teen was right. No matter how long and hard he thought about it, Roxas never could reach that dark door in the back of his mind.

Something told him that all of his questions could be answered if he could only reach it—but no matter how close he got it seemed to take a few steps backwards. Axel and Demyx never really talked about things like this—they were much to focused on the here and now.

…_What does it mean…? _

Suddenly, a thought surfaced that made Roxas perk up. They were nobodies, and nobodies came from somebody. Axel… Demyx… Xemnas… they all came from somebody. He had to have as well, so why couldn't he remember anything? It seemed as though the others could remember theirs. Why couldn't he? Was that what was hiding behind the door?

…_Or perhaps it's really not as deep as I've been led to think… Am I trying much too hard? Of course, I've been too close to see—the answer's right in front of me! Right in front of me… It's simple, really, very clear—like music drifting in the air… Invisible but everywhere… _

There was only one way to find out. If Axel had a heart, Roxas knew he'd break it. He looked at the redhead with a sad glint in his eyes.

"Axel…" he whispered, reaching out to touch him but he stopped mid-reach. No, he didn't want to… face him. He couldn't. Not without resolve… not without a head start. Carefully, he got up from the bed and rummaged at his desk for a moment, producing a sheet of stationary and a pen. In his most delicate scrawl, the young teen wrote a few lines on the paper and signed it. He then proceeded to fold it and wrote Axel's name on the front, placing it on his night table in a way he hoped the redhead would notice it.

The blonde dressed himself, pulling on his robe and disappeared without a sound. His mind was made up, the only way he'd ever find out the truth—what lay beyond that closed door—was to leave. He needed to do something more than just think—he needed to _act_.

After a few moments, Axel cracked his eyes open. Why hadn't Roxas joined him yet? He sat up, yawning and stretching. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a folded paper on the night stand. Closer inspection showed his name was written on it in Roxas' handwriting.

Axel's eyes snapped open immediately as he grabbed the paper in his hands, opening it:

_I'm sure that when you read this, I'll at the very least be on my way. I don't know if you feel like I do, but I'm sorry if you do because I know this'll hurt. At the very least, know that I'll never forget you. I really hate to do this, but there's no other way for me to find the answers I want. You always told me that if I have a dream, I shouldn't wait—I should act. So that's what I'm going to do. I don't think that you'd understand if I tried to explain it, I can't begin to comprehend it myself—but I need to see things for myself, even if it means leaving the Organization. So I guess this is goodbye. Maybe someday we'll meet again, _

_—Roxas_

Something gripped Axel. If nobodies had hearts, he'd say he felt 'heartbroken.' It was, quite possibly, the most painful thing he'd ever felt. Throwing on his robe, he teleported downtown, figuring that's where Roxas would have made it to by now. In hopes of stopping him, perhaps, but he knew the blonde… Let's just say that Roxas is the definition of stubborn. Axel knew as well as anyone that once that kid made up his mind, he'd go through with it at all costs. No matter what 'it' was.

He saw a familiar head of blonde hair against the steel blue backdrop of the buildings.

"Your mind's made up?" he asked, leaning against a wall.

"Why did the keyblade choose me?" Roxas asked, turning to face him. Axel remained silent. "I have to know." He stated, turning back.

"You can't turn on the Organization!" Axel cried, a little bit of anger and worry threading through his voice. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!"

Roxas paused for a moment, steeling his resolve. "No one would miss me." He said simply, and started walking forward before Axel could stop him further. The redhead watched him disappear into the darkness, helpless.

"That's not true—I would—" he whispered. Roxas felt a tear run down his cheek when he heard that, but broke into a run instead. He knew Axel would, and maybe a few other members might miss him—or at the very least, wonder where he'd gone. He felt more tears running down his cheeks, catching in his lashes. The air hit his face as he ran, making the tears feel cool against his flushed skin. Shutting his eyes, he blindly ran on.

He had no idea how far he'd run or where he was when he finally collapsed from exhaustion. Little did he know that things would now take a turn he hadn't been expecting at all. He lost all touch with reality and drifted into a state of unconsciousness, the last thing he heard was a deep voice calling to him before the entire world faded to black.

* * *

**Author's note**: Figured that's why Axel is so indignant about the fact that Roxas has forgotten him—because the kid probably promised (at some point) that he'd never forget him. Otherwise, I don't see him getting that upset over it. I mean, that's how it'd work for me. 


End file.
